January 11, 2012

Premarital Financial Counseling: Should it make a difference who earns more money?

By admin in Money Before Marriage Lesson

Money, Money, Money... I have several money songs that I absolutely love. As you prepare for marriage, one of the premarital financial counseling questions or concerns that may come up is what happens if I make more than my groom? Should it even matter? Brides and grooms you must be honest with yourselves about your finances, your work ethics, and whether or not you can see yourselves working together for the marriage. Let me break this down: Bride if you are a go-getter, strong-willed and a very independent person. Could you marry someone who makes less than you? Yes, you could IF the following are in place - that person is a go-getter, has a strong work ethic and has a plan for his career. He can also communicate with you on your level and is not pretending. Granted he does not have to be just like you because opposites attract. The key to "opposites attracting and staying married" is that those traits that make up your being opposites don't tear at your marriage later. Sure those opposite traits start out cute and you like them, but 10, 15 and even 30 years down the road will they continue to be cute and you have accepted the person for who they are OR will those things begin to get on your nerves day in and day out and you no longer think they are so cute. If you are a very independent bride-to-be and you do not see motivation from your groom when it comes to his own career and finances, then you may very well have some issues once you say I Do if those issues have not already surfaced. Do not fall into the mindset of "I just want to be married" or "I can change him". Wake up and smell the java, the only person YOU can CHANGE is yourself. One thing I learned very early on when I was single and it came to dating is this - if a person exhibits a behavior over a certain amount of time and the other person did not voice dislike - then it is deemed acceptable and it will not change. What often happens is the motivated person changes and the other person is very comfortable with who they are which presents conflict to the motivated person. Should it make a difference who earns more? No it should not. At the end of the day, the focus should be are all the bills paid, do we have a good quality of life and can we pursue some of our mutual goals and dreams. Do not get caught up in the media's portrayal or the traditional roles for a husband and wife when it comes to money. Stay tuned for part 2 where it will be addressed from the groom's perspective.

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