December 2011
December 28, 2011
Money and Marriage: Did your Spouse make the right decision?
When you are choosing a college - you do the research to ensure they have the degree you want. You look at what the courses are and prepare to buckle down to begin this new journey in your life. When you are a parent and preparing to choose a pediatrician - you (hopefully) do your research and even interview them before choosing one. You make sure they are the best qualified to suit your particular needs. You do not just say yes to any old pediatrician without doing your research. When you are choosing a doctor for yourself, you choose the best qualified because your health is important to you. When you chose your husband or wife - you chose this person be with you for richer or for poorer! For richer or for poorer meaning: (1) If they decide to quit their job and don't get a job for a while, will you be with them through the tough times until they are gainfully employed? (2) If they choose to pay some of the bills and not all of the bills because there's a shortage of money, will you stick with them through the tough times of creditors calling, late notifications in the mail, stress and find a way to begin paying or will you be in denial? (3) If they self-employed and their business is not generating income, yet they believe in what they are doing. Will you be the one to encourage them and say you can do it or will you tear them down? (4) If there's marital debt and your spouse feels the pressure, will you be the one to find a solution and begin removing the pressure so he or she can begin to enjoy life or will you be so bogged down in debt that you can't take control and nothing changes for the marriage? When saying "I Do" and making a commitment to another person, you do what is best for the marriage. Not taking action sends a message which could be in an error. No action can send the following messages: (1) Having given up (2) Overwhelmed and cannot even talk about (3) In denial and okay with what is going on. If any of those are not the message you want to send, show your spouse today that he or she made the right decision when they chose you by taking action to CHANGE your FINANCIAL situation.
December 16, 2011
What Love and Money have in common
Maybe you've watched Married with Children over the years. I will be the first to raise my hand and admit, that song in the introduction still plays in my head ... Love and marriage goes together like a horse and carriage. Have you ever thought about what love and money have in common? Over the last few days, I sat down and really thought about this. Why? Reason for this is because love makes people do strange things and so does money right. Or should I say in the name of Love. Let's look at what is common to both: 1) Love is a noun and a verb which one of its meanings is to have passionate affection for. 2) Money as a noun is a medium of exchange. (Check your Webster's). Now for what is common or how they are TIED when it comes to relationships and money. Hold on to your seats for this: Both Love and Money are based on choice. Love is not a feeling it is a choice you make to love someone. When two people fall in love it is based on a choice they make to love that person because of usually how they treat them, their character and they believe they can have a future with that person. All the warm and fuzzy stuff because they have put their best foot forward. Money is what we utilize everyday to pay bills, put gas in the car, further education, build houses, take vacations and retire. People make the choice EVERYDAY what they are going to do with their money. Whether or not they are going to pay their bills or spend it on a WANT instead of taking care of their needs. Love and Money both function on choice. Here's where people allow their emotions to come in when it comes to Love and Money. Love - for example, there's a segment of the population that believe love is based on emotions. Therefore, they are spouting "If you love me, you will do this or you wouldn't do that". At the end of the day, that has nothing to do with love. They are trying to control or manipulate a person to get their way! "RED FLAG" that's unhealthy. You CHOOSE to LOVE someone whether they healthy, sick, rich, or poor, regardless of race, religion, education level or even economic status. When you love a person unconditionally, it can conquer EVERYTHING. Money - where do I even start. Let's get down to it - when one person in a relationship overspends, the other person gets upset. This happens because the other person had a plan for the funds or just didn't like the fact the spender did not take into consideration what they may have said about the household finances. Another example is when the money manager is paying some of the bills but not all of the bills and has not told the other person. Somehow the other person finds out and now the arguing begins. Frustration and stress sets in due to mismanagement of money. Granted that is not the whole story because there could have been a reduction in income, the spender could have spent money or the money manager could also be juggling money to pay bills. Either way, there are a lot of people that are soooo driven by money that their emotions take over when there's a financial issue. People say words and phrases to each other that cannot be taken back, husbands and wives are sleeping in separate beds and much more. At the end of the day, when it comes to money - you have to put your emotions aside and say what is the solution to our current situation when it comes to money. What are the pros and cons to taking this action or not taking that action? What will be best for the overall marriage? What will help us to move forward without having hard feelings and blaming the other person? Love and Money are both choices. Everyday you can make a choice to love and take control of your money regardless of what things look like. Most of the time the challenges are only temporary. It is up to you as the bride or groom, husband or wife how long the challenge stays and how you will handle it.
December 14, 2011
Engaged Check: 6 Money Facts Every Engaged Couple Should know as they prepare for Marriage
Men and women all over the world are getting engaged throughout this holiday season. What a fun and exciting time to be writing a new chapter in your lives. The book is called marriage, this chapter is Wedding Planning. Time for the money and marriage lessons to begin. 6 Facts about Money Every Engaged Couple Should know as they are prepare for marriage. 1) Money is a tool whether you are single, engaged, married or even divorced. How have you handled money as a single person? Even though you may be engaged, what have you done with money throughout your college years? What have you done after graduation? Do you like the way you have handled money and what would you like to change before you walk down the aisle? 2) Money is not a topic that people are comfortable talking about BECAUSE of their financial behavior. Those who are comfortable talking about money know that it is a tool that they must understand and make WORK FOR THEM and not against them. When you are AFRAID to talk about money, it is due to your own financial issues. Yet, when you do not talk about money especially if you are in debt, you will not get out of the financial peril you may be in. 3) As you prepare for your wedding, you will be surrounded by a lot of different vendors, friends, family and even co-workers where money and marriage will not come up. Their main focus will be your wedding plans, how many people in the wedding party, what will your dress look like, how many are in the grooms party and more. That is understandable. Some will think about money, yet feel it is not their place to say anything. MY MAIN FOCUS for readers of this blog will be to provide you with TIPS, STRATEGIES, and RESOURCES for Money and Marriage Success. This post is giving you a fresh start at what you need to know and implement in your life for that to occur. 4). Family dynamics and even your relationship with your future spouse will be revealing when it comes to money during wedding planning. Maybe you've only been engaged for a few days, months or even a couple of years, pay attention (no pun intended) to how the family dynamics and even your relationship with your spouse is affected when it comes to planning the wedding and spending money. What you learn from this observation will truly provide insight into what can happen throughout the marriage. 5). You haven't heard much or seen much about Money and Marriage before you say I Do? I'm well aware of that. I remember when my husband and I got married over 15 years ago, no one said anything to us about money and marriage. Granted we had the discussion on our own; that's not the norm! Join me and you can change that in your own engagement. This goes back to what I said earlier, people are not comfortable. Just because you haven't heard much or seen much about it doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss it. In order for your marriage to be different from those family members or friends whose marriages may be in turmoil because of money - YOU MUST do something different and start talking about money now! 6). Money is not a downer topic. As a matter of fact, talking about money openly and honestly does several things: a) establishes trust; b) alleviates stress when it comes to money; c) helps couples to establish mutual financial goals; d) keeps the honeymoon going and e) sets you on a course for money and marriage success. What have you learned from these facts? Send in your comments.
December 7, 2011
How do you and your Future Spouse Split the Bills?
Wedding expenses, student loans, car payments, mortgage or even rent? Roses are red, violets are blue, which of these bills are apportioned to you? During your engagement you will begin to find out a lot about yourself and your future spouse when it comes to money. How do you and your future spouse split the bills? Before answering that question there are several other factors that must be known: (1) Who makes more? Will this have a bearing on how you decide how to split the money. As a wife of over 15 years, the person who makes more money now may not continue to always make more. (2) Who will manage the money? Will one person get all the money and be responsible for paying the bills without the other person being involved? Money is a tool that is used for furthering education, purchasing houses, retirement and even becoming a parent. Make sure both are involved in the finances. (3) If you are co-habitating prior to marriage, what do you already have in place when it comes to money management? Also is the lease in the name of both or just in one person's name? Sometimes the person who pays the mortgage or rent may feel as if that is their only responsibility and the other one should take care of the lesser household expenditures such as utilities, HOAs and/or groceries. (4) Do you not split at all and keep things separate? Brides and Grooms, how you handle or answer this question should be based upon your relationship with your future spouse, both people's financial picture and what it is you want to see happen when it comes to your money and marriage. Money is a part of marriage and should not be avoided. Yes this may be a touchy subject; however it doesn't have to be. Once you begin talking about money it becomes easier and easier.
