June 30, 2011
Eric and Taffy talk about financial baggage being brought into the marriage as well as the importance of transparency. "> Money matters in marriage is important. It is not a time for a couple to bury their head in the sand and deny what is in front of them. Instead time to own up to what is really going on and DEAL with it.
June 29, 2011
To achieve anything worthwhile takes work. Why should marriage and money be any different? Years of your life are spent in school preparing to obtain the job you want or the career you want to pursue. If you wanted to excel in sports, art or singing, you were willing to work at it and spend endless hours practicing. Remember PRACTICE makes PERFECT. It wasn’t work - it was a joy. I even teach our twins that... practice makes perfect. You will not just know how to automatically do a certain thing... you must perfect the craft. Whatever your dream, nothing would stop you from tirelessly working to achieve your goal even if it meant foregoing certain pleasures and taking extra classes. You studied and read every book you could find to help you get better and eventually become the person you wanted to be. Marriage and money management should be approached with as much zeal. The wedding is approached with much excitement that some can't even sleep at night. Unfortunately, most people who try their hand at marriage think it’s a project that is DIY or OJT (on the job training). They “wing it” on a day-to-day basis and fail to see the mistakes made along the way until it ends in separation or divorce. It’s no secret that more than half of all marriages end in divorce often because of money and many others are miserably unhappy. Marriage is not taken seriously anymore or at least not for long. As soon as the passion and dedication of the wedding vows fade into the bliss of the honeymoon, couples say well if it doesn’t work out it’s no big deal to go our separate ways. If children are involved this is certainly not so, but divorce can also have more far reaching effects on others as well. This includes not only your immediate family but friends as well on both sides of the marriage. With marriage and money comes responsibility and accountability. Couples would do well to repeat their wedding vows occasionally, especially the part that says FOR RICHER or FOR POORER. So often when a marriage gets tough with a loss of job, poor health or unexpected expenses, money troubles start and the stress begins to build and you look for a way out. Marriage has become too much about what you can do for me, rather than what WE can do for each other, what do WE want for our marriage and what do WE want OUR Marriage LEGACY to be! Divorces are too easy to come by. More work should have gone into the engagement period which most times are all too brief. The longer the engagement the more you can learn about your partner. If there are little things (or big things) that annoy you it’s better to discover them before the vows are said. Going into marriage thinking you can change someone most of the time is a fairy tale. Just like you prepare for a career, you should prepare for marriage. Premarital financial counseling could be extremely beneficial. It enables couples to discover what money means to each other, what is important to each and formulate mutual financial goals AS well as a FINANCIAL plan for their marriage. They formulate a plan on various areas dealing with money from establishing a foundation to planning for home ownership, parenting or even continuing their education. In a counseling situation most feel more comfortable sharing their feelings with a professional present. Enter into the sanctity of marriage knowing that it’s a lifetime commitment. Together you can accomplish so much more than alone. It will take work and self sacrifice. The marriage highway is filled with bumps and potholes but it’s a trip worth taking and may be the best journey of your life. Other posts you may want to view: http://www.brideandgroommoneytalk.com/2011/03/31/should-premarital-counseling-be-a-part-of-the-wedding-budget/ http://www.brideandgroommoneytalk.com/2011/04/16/bride-sends-a-message-to-groom/
June 23, 2011
How many times have you been a witness to a relationship that you honestly knew wouldn't make it even before they walked down the aisle? I'm not talking about it wouldn't work just because you didn't like the bride or the groom for your family member..talking about you genuinely saw red flags while the engaged couple were in your presence and KNEW the following: 1) They didn't even really like each other, let alone love one another 2) One of them was not good with money and the other person was "footing all the bills" per se 3) They are not communicating about the basics in their relationship 4) One of them is controlling and the other goes along to keep the peace even prior to walking down the aisle 5) They are too young and have high UNREALISTIC expectations for marriage Are there some marriages that shouldn't be taking place? Sure because it was not by design in the first place that they should be getting married. There are people who are getting married because they have been in a relationship so long that they are comfortable. Notice that I didn't say they were happy but they have reached a level of comfort in misery and believe that is better than being alone and starting over. Are there some engaged couples where either the bride or groom is being told they shouldn't get married? Yes; however they are not listening and want to do things their own way. This usually results in a divorce within less than a year and sometimes children become involved and it now costs more than if they had called off the wedding. Another scenario that happens is that instead of calling off the wedding when they know they should, some couples go through with it in order not to be embarrassed in front of family and friends. This also is not a good solution because that usually does not come without some pain and financial issues. Struggling with finances while you are single is challenging, let alone before you enter into a relationship. Why did I choose to write this post? I'm glad you asked because I've heard this very comment from different people. Whether it is granddaughter, son or daughter these red flags should not be ignored. When couples are not discussing money openly before getting married, they are placing their marriage at risk for division when it comes to money. Marriage and money is not a joke; therefore the vows shouldn't be taken lightly. If you have a family member, friend or colleague that is getting married and you see some financial red flags, be sure to share this site with them. They may very well find some answers that they have been looking for and/or praying about.
June 21, 2011
Let's have some fun with this post. I was talking with one of the vendors at the bridal show about money and marriage. She was saying how fascinated she was with what I was doing. She had not ever heard of anything like what I do. I was talking with her about how when it comes to money and marriage it is a process of educating people. Many people know that money is one of the top reasons for divorce AND they have to understand valuing their marriage in order to want it to succeed. She then shared a statement that her mother had always told her about money when it came to love. No, it isn't "Love makes the world go round". So for those of you that thought that.... try again. Instead of completing the sentence for you, believe me she shared it in detail what her mother said - I prefer that you write in to this blog and complete this post. What do you believe happens with Love when money is involved. So you should say, "When money is involved, love....... I can hear the wheels turning in the minds of readers already. There is no right or wrong answer it is all about what love and money mean to you. Don't you agree? Let's make it plain - whether you choose to talk about money now or later, what you think and how you make decisions regarding money will be all about your perception. As I continue thinking about this, it could be seen as money advice for couples. Here's your opportunity to write in... When money is involved, love.....