March 31, 2011
A couple of weeks ago, I was asked if I thought premarital counseling should be a part of the wedding budget regardless of the brides and grooms budget? I must say I believe that premarital financial counseling should be a part of every bride and grooms budget. Let's keep it real as my friend, Regina would say. Money is one of the top reasons for divorce - we all know that. Time out for it being a "taboo" subject or better yet only being discussed in regards to a wedding budget. Premarital counseling is a good thing because it addresses compatibility to some degree, spirituality, parenting, goals and objectives. What I have found to be missing is "finances". I've had brides come up to me at bridal shows and say we feel good about every area except the finances. I respond with I believe it because money is not an easy subject for people to talk about whether married or single. Given the seriousness of a bride and groom's commitment to each other in front of friends, family and colleagues - "For Richer or For Poorer"... it's time that they understand what "For Richer or For Poorer" really means and not avoid money. As many brides and grooms invest in their wedding, I am encouraging them to invest in the success of their marriage by getting premarital financial counseling. On your budget sheet where you have a line item for honeymoon, venue or even flowers - add at the top premarital financial counseling. Have you wondered why doesn't he talk about money? Or do you believe she is spending to much? Whose going to manage the marital finances? Yet, neither one of you have spoken up about your concerns because you don't want to rock the boat! Sit back in fear no more, that is what premarital financial counseling is for. Premarital financial counseling gives you an opportunity to meet with a financial counselor that is focused on the success of your money and marriage talks prior to your saying "I Do". You will learn how to create a financial blueprint for your marriage which helps you lay the foundation for success. You can't build a house without creating a foundation right. Now is your opportunity to get married and lay the proper foundation before hand? Imagine as you walk down aisle, you can breathe and be blissfully happy because you have talked about money. You know who will manage the household finances, you didn't create wedding debt, you can go on your honeymoon and have the time of your life knowing when you return, you and your groom have a solid financial plan in order for your marriage to succeed right from the start. OOOH how much fun would you have throughout your marriage nurturing your relationship, pampering each other and keeping the romance alive. Stay tuned because I will talk about financial talks leading to greater intimacy!
March 29, 2011
During my interview last week on Relationships 360, the host asked me who did I think was responsible for buying the wedding rings and how much should be spent? I shared that I felt the bride should buy the grooms ring and he should buy hers. They should be within their agreed upon budget and not start out their marriage with wedding debt. I don't feel that it should be just one person's responsibility to buy the rings. In the ceremony there is an exchange of the rings. Seriously if the bride and the groom want to set thet one for teamwork and partnership in the marriage, this is one way to start. Each person buying the other's ring says to me that they are not relying on one person to pay all the bills throughout the marriage. Furthermore, the bride will not expect for the groom to pay for everything whether it be anniversary gifts, etc. I remember when my husband and I were planning our wedding ceremony and even though we were doing a Justice of the Peace we were looking at buying each other a ring. What ended up happening was that one of my best friends gave us my ring and then I went out and purchased my husband's ring. That was such a fun time and set a different tone than others would have expected. Considering we are both givers, there have been times when I paid for trips in full and all he had to do was pack a bag and vice versa. It's important that brides and grooms remember, start out the way you want to continue. The different decisions you make during your engagement will truly set the tone for your marriage. Begin now creating the memories and decision making skills that you want to see carried out throughout your marriage. Each person will receive a message from how things are handled.
March 27, 2011
Are you a bride whose fiance is all into the wedding planning and he wants a big wedding? You truly would rather have a small and intimate wedding, yet he has already taken it to a new level with checking out venues, meeting with caterers and even getting invitation samples! Let me share with you, you aren't the only this has happened to. I remember the first couple that I married, the groom was all involved. He had taken the time to plan the whole wedding down the location of the reception. He had sent out save the date cards via mail and also email. Mind you he was not a groom zilla, in his mind his goal was to make it as easy for her as possible and removing the stress. Do you believe that is what your fiance is doing? Or are you of the mindset that he is overspending, yet somewhere in your discussions he convinced you to have the big wedding. Yet know you are having regrets about the money being spent for one day! If this is you, let me provide some words that can help you. I can understand how seeing all the money being spent may upset you and you'd rather put that money towards a house or pay a bill. Even though you have agreed to a big wedding, talk with your fiance and see if he will compromise and share with him what your thoughts are when it comes to being able to save some money at the same time or even pay off a bill during this same time frame. You have to make sure that you are not going into your marriage full of regrets about the money being spent. Talk with him about the importance of not going into your marriage with wedding debt. That may very well send a message to him that he may not have even thought about. Couples that start out with wedding debt in their marriage don't get the pleasure or time to nurture the relationship. They spend more time trying to figure out how the bills are going to be paid on whatever the income is. The goal of your wedding is to make sure it is what both of you want without regret. I encourage you to find your voice and speak up now. How you begin talking about money conversations now during your engagement is how they will continue during your marriage.
March 25, 2011
My my, haven't we heard this type of story before. Young lady meets guy through an online dating site. She shares with him that she is interested in marriage and kids.She thought he was the one! They go and look at wedding rings. He had been married 2 times before and shared with her that the statistics were wrong. They were living together with her one child and his two children as a family. He began using her credit card for gas, food and casinos. He possibly says he has a gambling problem! She ends up on Judge Pirro suing him for credit card bills. Take a look for yourself: Lessons he's already struggling with finances: 1) He was gambling using his job's credit cards and SHE got advanced on her card for his habit! RED FLAG! 2) He needed help paying his mortgage and let his house go into foreclosure. RED FLAG! 3) She broke up with him because she found him cheating NOT because of the credit. HMM Bad on her PART! 4) Don't allow the money to be intermingled until you are married AND still have some of your own money!